Joyful Minds, Open HeartsOvercoming Negativity Addiction

On my run this morning, I was listening to a wonderful talk by the Tibetan Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron on my favorite subject (you guessed it) “happiness”. She was quoting a line of poetry from Rilke that she said summed up the entire idea of what it means to find true and lasting happiness in a world full of changing conditions.

Here are the two lines of poetry:

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.

As I was running, I realized that this is one of the greatest vibe switches ever, maybe even the best one. The vibe switch where you simply observe with curiosity any emotion you are feeling, whether it be happiness, joy, beauty, or sadness, fear, or terror–as if it were a wave on the ocean—

Watch it rise up in your mind and body, and watch it fall away again. And with mindfulness, be open to it, lean into it, observe it, let it happen to you with total curiosity, rather than pushing against it, judging it, escaping it, avoiding it, etc.. (All the things we Westerners are so good at doing).

So being the inner chemist that I am, I decided to experiment with my “Mindfulness Vibe Switch” today. And, just like Rilke said, when I observe it all, allow it all, and let myself be sad when I’m sad, joyful when I’m joyful, etc. etc., my life takes on a richness and fullness in knowing that no feeling is final.

I’ve been reading this wonderful book called The Joy of Living and in it, another Tibetan Buddhist, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (who studies the science of happiness), says that all thoughts and emotions arise like waves in our mind.

They come in, they flow out. And, when we can watch them without pushing against them or engaging them, we can see the entire wave rise up, crest, and then fall again, without getting upset by this. The upset I usually feel when I sense sadness, or anger, or fear coming on feels like a tightness in my body, or, as I have discussed in the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program, a “clamping down feeling”. (Continued Below)

When you can become the observer of these waves of thought and feelings as they arise, grow more intense, and then dissipate, it’s as if you are able to bypass the negative biochemicals that come with negative emotions from squirting into your bloodstream. It’s as if being the observer of the wave, rather than riding the wave, disconnects the negative thoughts and emotions from the biochemical equivalents!

This is exciting and powerful news!!!! Because it opens us up to all of our feelings without having to engage them biochemically!

It’s almost as if a circuit doesn’t fire that triggers the biochemicals if we can just allow the wave of emotion or allow the wave of thoughts to rise up, crest, and fall back away.

In The Joy of Living, Rinpoche talks about how there is absolute reality and relative reality and anything that can change, come and go, etc. is a relative reality. Absolute reality is the awareness watching because the awareness is always awareness. It doesn’t change. But our thoughts and feelings are changing all the time. You may wake up in a great mood and by dinnertime be in an awful mood, or you could wake up grumpy and win the lottery an hour later and feel wonderful.

The waves of our minds come from negativity addiction (and positivity addiction) and are conditioned, habituated responses that have been ingrained over years (or some believe lifetimes). These waves will rise up in the mind (relative reality) and if we can stay in our pure awareness or curiosity(absolute reality) those waves will not engage our negative biochemicals. We watch them rise up and watch them pass, no big deal.

This is the path to enlightenment, a fancy word for “lasting happiness”, so say these Buddhist teachers.

So today I did the chemistry experiment on myself. Whenever I got sad, I imagined it as a wave of sadness, and instead of pushing it away, resisting it, avoiding it, or on the other end of the spectrum wallowing it, dramatizing it, milking it, etc. I just chose to watch the wave of sadness rise up, crest, and then leave. The emotion felt really clean and the wave moved through in a little under THREE MINUTES!!! And the only biochemicals I could feel were good and clean. I didn’t feel that clamping down or resisting feeling.

Later, I felt happiness and joy as I was eating the best lunch of my life at an organic cafe. I was so in the moment, delighted, tickled, etc. I chose to see this as a “happiness wave”. I crested it. I rode it. It seemed to last for HOURS! Which was just fine with me!

Later, I was playing pool and I lost all three games of pool I played, even though I was playing great pool! I felt jealousy for my opponent come on and I imagined it as a “jealousy wave” and instead of judging myself for the wave of jealousy or getting angry at the other person, or plotting my revenge, lol. I just watched the wave come into my body, felt where in my body I was feeling it, and then the wave passed in THREE MINUTES on its own without really engaging my biochemicals.

This is the most exciting find I’ve discovered since starting to teach the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program. From my studies I am realizing that, when allowed, the painful emotions pass by so quickly on their own when I see them as a wave rising up, cresting, and then falling away. And for some wonderful reason, the happy feelings seem to last for hours!

I am realizing that my happiness, my deep happiness that comes from overcoming my negativity addiction, is big enough to hold all my emotions without having to engage them biochemically! I can watch the show my body chemistry is putting on without having to engage it or prolong it! This feels like real biochemical freedom, and what the Buddhists have called “true happiness”.

Therefore, Rilke has helped me to create my new favorite game. “Watching the Waves Game”.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. (Watch the waves of your mind and emotions)
Just keep going. No feeling is final. (Without having to engage any of it biochemically)

Love and Happy Biochemicals,

Denise