Joyful Minds, Open HeartsOvercoming Negativity Addiction

Pema Chodron is the ultimate Overcoming Negativity Addiction teacher! Her word “Shenpa” and being triggered, same thing!

Biologically speaking, when you resist your triggers, fight them, act out on them, indulge in the storyline, you emit uncomfortable biochemicals, and it keeps you from the present moment where enlightenment is waiting and beckoning for us.

Learn to trigger surf instead where you observe the discomfort with the same peace you would have drinking a cup of tea in the bathtub, saying, “ahhhh. There it is.  I am triggered again. Very interesting.”

Then, you lean into the emotions while staying open and compassionate to yourself and all others, and here is the hard but most important part…

When you are triggered, GET OUT OF THE STORYLINE in your head, and sink down into your heart and FEEL the emotions without any “he said/she said, I did this, they did that, etc. etc.” thinking in your head. Just feel the fear, pain, sadness, grief, anger, whatever and it will wash over you while you sit in awareness consciousness, and in three minutes, the wave of emotion crests, breaks, and recedes. And that is how we stay in the present moment no matter what is coming up for us.

Because the triggers just are. The emotions just are. We don’t have to add the miserable storylines that take us out of the perfect present moment.

Love and Happy Biochemicals,

Denise

I had a dream the other night where I was speaking to a Spiritual Master and I was asking him how to Love myself more and his reply was to “Love Others.”

And I then asked, “How is that loving myself?”

He then said, “Because your body extends out further than you realize. It includes everybody else. When you are loving others, you are loving your own body because others are a part of your body.”

When I awoke, I had this image of everyone and everything being a part of my “extended body” and that how I treated others is no different than how I treat my own arms or legs. This put me deeply into a sense of oneness with all of life.

When I love myself, I love others. When I love others, I love myself, because, in truth…there is no “other”.

So, when you get “triggered” by others, as we discuss in the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program, it’s important to remember that you have a choice in that moment to love yourself more.

If that person isn’t loving to you, it’s only because they are caught in their negativity addiction and can’t see the truth. That you are them. Therefore, it means they’re not treating themselves very kindly by mistreating you.

Hopefully, this will inspire in you a wonderful vibeswitch of having compassion for them for treating you (a part of them) so unkindly. It’s like watching someone who has lung cancer chain smoke. They are addicted to something that hurts them. When anyone is unkind to you at any time, it is only because they too are addicted to negativity which hurts them.

Send them your love.

When you do, your self esteem will increase dramatically, because you have just given yourself the greatest kindness in the form of loving yourself in another.

Love and Happy Biochemicals,
Denise

On my run this morning, I was listening to a wonderful talk by the Tibetan Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron on my favorite subject (you guessed it) “happiness”. She was quoting a line of poetry from Rilke that she said summed up the entire idea of what it means to find true and lasting happiness in a world full of changing conditions.

Here are the two lines of poetry:

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.

As I was running, I realized that this is one of the greatest vibe switches ever, maybe even the best one. The vibe switch where you simply observe with curiosity any emotion you are feeling, whether it be happiness, joy, beauty, or sadness, fear, or terror–as if it were a wave on the ocean—

Watch it rise up in your mind and body, and watch it fall away again. And with mindfulness, be open to it, lean into it, observe it, let it happen to you with total curiosity, rather than pushing against it, judging it, escaping it, avoiding it, etc.. (All the things we Westerners are so good at doing).

So being the inner chemist that I am, I decided to experiment with my “Mindfulness Vibe Switch” today. And, just like Rilke said, when I observe it all, allow it all, and let myself be sad when I’m sad, joyful when I’m joyful, etc. etc., my life takes on a richness and fullness in knowing that no feeling is final.

I’ve been reading this wonderful book called The Joy of Living and in it, another Tibetan Buddhist, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (who studies the science of happiness), says that all thoughts and emotions arise like waves in our mind.

They come in, they flow out. And, when we can watch them without pushing against them or engaging them, we can see the entire wave rise up, crest, and then fall again, without getting upset by this. The upset I usually feel when I sense sadness, or anger, or fear coming on feels like a tightness in my body, or, as I have discussed in the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program, a “clamping down feeling”. (Continued Below)

When you can become the observer of these waves of thought and feelings as they arise, grow more intense, and then dissipate, it’s as if you are able to bypass the negative biochemicals that come with negative emotions from squirting into your bloodstream. It’s as if being the observer of the wave, rather than riding the wave, disconnects the negative thoughts and emotions from the biochemical equivalents!

This is exciting and powerful news!!!! Because it opens us up to all of our feelings without having to engage them biochemically!

It’s almost as if a circuit doesn’t fire that triggers the biochemicals if we can just allow the wave of emotion or allow the wave of thoughts to rise up, crest, and fall back away.

In The Joy of Living, Rinpoche talks about how there is absolute reality and relative reality and anything that can change, come and go, etc. is a relative reality. Absolute reality is the awareness watching because the awareness is always awareness. It doesn’t change. But our thoughts and feelings are changing all the time. You may wake up in a great mood and by dinnertime be in an awful mood, or you could wake up grumpy and win the lottery an hour later and feel wonderful.

The waves of our minds come from negativity addiction (and positivity addiction) and are conditioned, habituated responses that have been ingrained over years (or some believe lifetimes). These waves will rise up in the mind (relative reality) and if we can stay in our pure awareness or curiosity(absolute reality) those waves will not engage our negative biochemicals. We watch them rise up and watch them pass, no big deal.

This is the path to enlightenment, a fancy word for “lasting happiness”, so say these Buddhist teachers.

So today I did the chemistry experiment on myself. Whenever I got sad, I imagined it as a wave of sadness, and instead of pushing it away, resisting it, avoiding it, or on the other end of the spectrum wallowing it, dramatizing it, milking it, etc. I just chose to watch the wave of sadness rise up, crest, and then leave. The emotion felt really clean and the wave moved through in a little under THREE MINUTES!!! And the only biochemicals I could feel were good and clean. I didn’t feel that clamping down or resisting feeling.

Later, I felt happiness and joy as I was eating the best lunch of my life at an organic cafe. I was so in the moment, delighted, tickled, etc. I chose to see this as a “happiness wave”. I crested it. I rode it. It seemed to last for HOURS! Which was just fine with me!

Later, I was playing pool and I lost all three games of pool I played, even though I was playing great pool! I felt jealousy for my opponent come on and I imagined it as a “jealousy wave” and instead of judging myself for the wave of jealousy or getting angry at the other person, or plotting my revenge, lol. I just watched the wave come into my body, felt where in my body I was feeling it, and then the wave passed in THREE MINUTES on its own without really engaging my biochemicals.

This is the most exciting find I’ve discovered since starting to teach the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program. From my studies I am realizing that, when allowed, the painful emotions pass by so quickly on their own when I see them as a wave rising up, cresting, and then falling away. And for some wonderful reason, the happy feelings seem to last for hours!

I am realizing that my happiness, my deep happiness that comes from overcoming my negativity addiction, is big enough to hold all my emotions without having to engage them biochemically! I can watch the show my body chemistry is putting on without having to engage it or prolong it! This feels like real biochemical freedom, and what the Buddhists have called “true happiness”.

Therefore, Rilke has helped me to create my new favorite game. “Watching the Waves Game”.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. (Watch the waves of your mind and emotions)
Just keep going. No feeling is final. (Without having to engage any of it biochemically)

Love and Happy Biochemicals,

Denise

Today was groooooooooooooovy! I am really getting the hang of this Overcoming Negativity Addiction program!

I started out in the morning feeling a little sad. Trying not to be sad felt like NA, so I let myself feel it and within about five minutes it was gone.

I started to think that the mind is like waves. They come and go and when you can watch it all, like a scientist, then you don’t get that ‘clamping down’ feeling where you get your biochemicals engaged. This book, “Joy of Living” is really helping me to be the observer of my mind rather than the reactor to my mind.

I used allowing and surrender and letting everything be exactly as it is as my vibe switch of the day, whether it was emotions, other people, even food I ate! I took my dad to this wonderful restaurant, had a big salad and a little taste of what he was eating and I just felt really happy not being militant with myself about what I was eating (especially around the holidays). I was in total self allowing and it felt REALLY good today.

I truly enjoyed last night’s Free ONA support call and felt like we all expanded through our triggers! It was TOTALLY AWESOME!

Today, there was a situation I was feeling I was forcing a little bit and I TOTALLY surrendered and let it go, and literally felt my biochemicals get happier. I LOVE that feeling when my biochemicals get all snuggly and happy again! And, of course, the SECOND, literally, the SECOND I let it go, the person called me and the whole situation came flowing to me once again.

I am so happy studying my mind like a scientist. I did so horribly in chemistry class in school, but now I pride myself on being a chemist learning the formula for consistently happy biochemicals.

Also, I said last night on the call that no one vibeswitch fits everybody and no one vibe switch fits one person at different times. It’s like jazz. Flowing, changing, shifting. One day, being assertive and taking lots of actions is going to get your biochemicals feeling groovy. The next day, surrender, letting go, not saying much, is going to feel great biochemically.

This is why it’s so important that you keep a journal so that you can log in your inner chemistry experiments. With curiosity, ask yourself, “hmmmm, what is really going to get my biochemicals happy in this moment?” The answer to that question changes from day to day, moment to moment, so you have to keep asking it. Sometimes, crying and letting it all out feels better biochemically. Other days, laughing and making fun of your situation feels better biochemically.

Remember, your vibe switches are unique to you. One person’s vibe switches are another person’s negativity addiction. That’s why it’s so important to get to know your triggers and your unique ways to vibe switch!

Love and Happy Biochemicals,
Denise

I know this may sound a little crazy, but this morning I woke up listening to the “voices in my head”. Since I have become a scientist of all things having to do with thought addiction/both positive and negative, I have become someone who really enjoys studying my own mind!

This morning I woke up and instead of trying to immediately vibe switch into positive thought chemicals, I instead decided to listen to whatever thoughts were firing off automatically. And as I was listening, I got this distinct feeling that there were two different voices  in my head, one positive, one negative, both giving commentary on my life.

The negative commentator was saying things like, “You’re still not feeling 100% better physically. What if you never recover from this flu?, etc.”

The positive commentator was saying things like, “Your puppy sleeping under the covers with you is so adorable, etc.”

Being the inner chemist that I have become ( I am learning how to trigger happy biochemicals in an addictive way), I thought it would be helpful to imagine these two commentators standing in a box at an NFL game, but only one of them could “take the microphone” and talk. (My husband is a big football fan, so I’m sure this metaphor bubbled up from talking so much about football.) So I imagined “handing the mike” over to the happy, upbeat, commentator who puts a positive spin on all situations.

The cool thing was that I got to determine what that commentator was going to say, so I started speaking in a calm stream of constant upbeat things as if I was commentating a play by play of my own life.

Here’s an example:

“I am feeling really good today. I am going to have a wonderful, amazing,  happy, day. I am so grateful for all the great things going on in my life. I am feeling a lot better today. I am so blessed to have my great husband, wonderful home, new car, my dad visiting, etc. All is well in my world.”

And my biochemicals just LOVE my happy commentator.

Whenever I have a free moment throughout the day to focus on my thinking, I hand the microphone to my happy commentator.

How about you?

Which commentator has the microphone in your head?

Love and Happy Biochemicals,
Denise