Joyful Minds, Open HeartsOvercoming Negativity Addiction

On my run this morning, I was listening to a wonderful talk by the Tibetan Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron on my favorite subject (you guessed it) “happiness”. She was quoting a line of poetry from Rilke that she said summed up the entire idea of what it means to find true and lasting happiness in a world full of changing conditions.

Here are the two lines of poetry:

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.

As I was running, I realized that this is one of the greatest vibe switches ever, maybe even the best one. The vibe switch where you simply observe with curiosity any emotion you are feeling, whether it be happiness, joy, beauty, or sadness, fear, or terror–as if it were a wave on the ocean—

Watch it rise up in your mind and body, and watch it fall away again. And with mindfulness, be open to it, lean into it, observe it, let it happen to you with total curiosity, rather than pushing against it, judging it, escaping it, avoiding it, etc.. (All the things we Westerners are so good at doing).

So being the inner chemist that I am, I decided to experiment with my “Mindfulness Vibe Switch” today. And, just like Rilke said, when I observe it all, allow it all, and let myself be sad when I’m sad, joyful when I’m joyful, etc. etc., my life takes on a richness and fullness in knowing that no feeling is final.

I’ve been reading this wonderful book called The Joy of Living and in it, another Tibetan Buddhist, Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche (who studies the science of happiness), says that all thoughts and emotions arise like waves in our mind.

They come in, they flow out. And, when we can watch them without pushing against them or engaging them, we can see the entire wave rise up, crest, and then fall again, without getting upset by this. The upset I usually feel when I sense sadness, or anger, or fear coming on feels like a tightness in my body, or, as I have discussed in the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program, a “clamping down feeling”. (Continued Below)

When you can become the observer of these waves of thought and feelings as they arise, grow more intense, and then dissipate, it’s as if you are able to bypass the negative biochemicals that come with negative emotions from squirting into your bloodstream. It’s as if being the observer of the wave, rather than riding the wave, disconnects the negative thoughts and emotions from the biochemical equivalents!

This is exciting and powerful news!!!! Because it opens us up to all of our feelings without having to engage them biochemically!

It’s almost as if a circuit doesn’t fire that triggers the biochemicals if we can just allow the wave of emotion or allow the wave of thoughts to rise up, crest, and fall back away.

In The Joy of Living, Rinpoche talks about how there is absolute reality and relative reality and anything that can change, come and go, etc. is a relative reality. Absolute reality is the awareness watching because the awareness is always awareness. It doesn’t change. But our thoughts and feelings are changing all the time. You may wake up in a great mood and by dinnertime be in an awful mood, or you could wake up grumpy and win the lottery an hour later and feel wonderful.

The waves of our minds come from negativity addiction (and positivity addiction) and are conditioned, habituated responses that have been ingrained over years (or some believe lifetimes). These waves will rise up in the mind (relative reality) and if we can stay in our pure awareness or curiosity(absolute reality) those waves will not engage our negative biochemicals. We watch them rise up and watch them pass, no big deal.

This is the path to enlightenment, a fancy word for “lasting happiness”, so say these Buddhist teachers.

So today I did the chemistry experiment on myself. Whenever I got sad, I imagined it as a wave of sadness, and instead of pushing it away, resisting it, avoiding it, or on the other end of the spectrum wallowing it, dramatizing it, milking it, etc. I just chose to watch the wave of sadness rise up, crest, and then leave. The emotion felt really clean and the wave moved through in a little under THREE MINUTES!!! And the only biochemicals I could feel were good and clean. I didn’t feel that clamping down or resisting feeling.

Later, I felt happiness and joy as I was eating the best lunch of my life at an organic cafe. I was so in the moment, delighted, tickled, etc. I chose to see this as a “happiness wave”. I crested it. I rode it. It seemed to last for HOURS! Which was just fine with me!

Later, I was playing pool and I lost all three games of pool I played, even though I was playing great pool! I felt jealousy for my opponent come on and I imagined it as a “jealousy wave” and instead of judging myself for the wave of jealousy or getting angry at the other person, or plotting my revenge, lol. I just watched the wave come into my body, felt where in my body I was feeling it, and then the wave passed in THREE MINUTES on its own without really engaging my biochemicals.

This is the most exciting find I’ve discovered since starting to teach the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program. From my studies I am realizing that, when allowed, the painful emotions pass by so quickly on their own when I see them as a wave rising up, cresting, and then falling away. And for some wonderful reason, the happy feelings seem to last for hours!

I am realizing that my happiness, my deep happiness that comes from overcoming my negativity addiction, is big enough to hold all my emotions without having to engage them biochemically! I can watch the show my body chemistry is putting on without having to engage it or prolong it! This feels like real biochemical freedom, and what the Buddhists have called “true happiness”.

Therefore, Rilke has helped me to create my new favorite game. “Watching the Waves Game”.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. (Watch the waves of your mind and emotions)
Just keep going. No feeling is final. (Without having to engage any of it biochemically)

Love and Happy Biochemicals,

Denise

Today was groooooooooooooovy! I am really getting the hang of this Overcoming Negativity Addiction program!

I started out in the morning feeling a little sad. Trying not to be sad felt like NA, so I let myself feel it and within about five minutes it was gone.

I started to think that the mind is like waves. They come and go and when you can watch it all, like a scientist, then you don’t get that ‘clamping down’ feeling where you get your biochemicals engaged. This book, “Joy of Living” is really helping me to be the observer of my mind rather than the reactor to my mind.

I used allowing and surrender and letting everything be exactly as it is as my vibe switch of the day, whether it was emotions, other people, even food I ate! I took my dad to this wonderful restaurant, had a big salad and a little taste of what he was eating and I just felt really happy not being militant with myself about what I was eating (especially around the holidays). I was in total self allowing and it felt REALLY good today.

I truly enjoyed last night’s Free ONA support call and felt like we all expanded through our triggers! It was TOTALLY AWESOME!

Today, there was a situation I was feeling I was forcing a little bit and I TOTALLY surrendered and let it go, and literally felt my biochemicals get happier. I LOVE that feeling when my biochemicals get all snuggly and happy again! And, of course, the SECOND, literally, the SECOND I let it go, the person called me and the whole situation came flowing to me once again.

I am so happy studying my mind like a scientist. I did so horribly in chemistry class in school, but now I pride myself on being a chemist learning the formula for consistently happy biochemicals.

Also, I said last night on the call that no one vibeswitch fits everybody and no one vibe switch fits one person at different times. It’s like jazz. Flowing, changing, shifting. One day, being assertive and taking lots of actions is going to get your biochemicals feeling groovy. The next day, surrender, letting go, not saying much, is going to feel great biochemically.

This is why it’s so important that you keep a journal so that you can log in your inner chemistry experiments. With curiosity, ask yourself, “hmmmm, what is really going to get my biochemicals happy in this moment?” The answer to that question changes from day to day, moment to moment, so you have to keep asking it. Sometimes, crying and letting it all out feels better biochemically. Other days, laughing and making fun of your situation feels better biochemically.

Remember, your vibe switches are unique to you. One person’s vibe switches are another person’s negativity addiction. That’s why it’s so important to get to know your triggers and your unique ways to vibe switch!

Love and Happy Biochemicals,
Denise

I know this may sound a little crazy, but this morning I woke up listening to the “voices in my head”. Since I have become a scientist of all things having to do with thought addiction/both positive and negative, I have become someone who really enjoys studying my own mind!

This morning I woke up and instead of trying to immediately vibe switch into positive thought chemicals, I instead decided to listen to whatever thoughts were firing off automatically. And as I was listening, I got this distinct feeling that there were two different voices  in my head, one positive, one negative, both giving commentary on my life.

The negative commentator was saying things like, “You’re still not feeling 100% better physically. What if you never recover from this flu?, etc.”

The positive commentator was saying things like, “Your puppy sleeping under the covers with you is so adorable, etc.”

Being the inner chemist that I have become ( I am learning how to trigger happy biochemicals in an addictive way), I thought it would be helpful to imagine these two commentators standing in a box at an NFL game, but only one of them could “take the microphone” and talk. (My husband is a big football fan, so I’m sure this metaphor bubbled up from talking so much about football.) So I imagined “handing the mike” over to the happy, upbeat, commentator who puts a positive spin on all situations.

The cool thing was that I got to determine what that commentator was going to say, so I started speaking in a calm stream of constant upbeat things as if I was commentating a play by play of my own life.

Here’s an example:

“I am feeling really good today. I am going to have a wonderful, amazing,  happy, day. I am so grateful for all the great things going on in my life. I am feeling a lot better today. I am so blessed to have my great husband, wonderful home, new car, my dad visiting, etc. All is well in my world.”

And my biochemicals just LOVE my happy commentator.

Whenever I have a free moment throughout the day to focus on my thinking, I hand the microphone to my happy commentator.

How about you?

Which commentator has the microphone in your head?

Love and Happy Biochemicals,
Denise

Wow! So many revelations, “aha”s, downloads from Spirit, etc. going on for me this week (and for many others who are in the Overcoming Negativity Addiction Program–I think the more we clean up our biochemicals, the more able we are to tune into spiritual wisdom).

One of the biggies I have been tuning into this week is how many people are afraid of negativity. Some are so afraid of it, they are actually afraid to even say the word! I guess they fear that focusing on it will somehow attract more negativity into their lives.

Some people even change the name of the Overcoming Negativity Addiction program to  the “Joy Addiction” program, because they can’t get themselves to say the word “Negativity” or “Addiction”. It’s like they can’t admit to themselves that they’re biochemically addicted to feeling bad, so they try to sweep it under the carpet by giving it a prettier title, so it feels more positive to them.

It’s almost like people think negativity is like the swine flu or something!  They don’t want to even talk about it for fear they’ll catch it.  Or maybe it’s like in Harry Potter when everyone is so afraid of Voldemort that they can’t even say his name. They call him “He Who Must Not Be Named” which of course makes him even more ominous and evil! Except for Harry, who always calls him Voldemort, because that’s the guy’s name and he’s not afraid of him!

But when you take a closer look at this fear of negativity, you can see it is actually just more negativity addiction in disguise. Fearing anything, even negativity, is just another trigger that releases negative biochemicals into our systems.

Real freedom comes from loving everything, even our own negativity! When we see that the addiction itself is a blessing, a gift to help us to retrain our brains, rewire our neural pathways to joy, then we don’t fear even our own negativity anymore! Nothing hurts us, not even our own triggers.

I find it funny that the most “negatively” titled product I have from the joy shop is really the one that’s made me the happiest in my life and manifest the biggest stuff!  I think that so many people in the Law of Attraction communities have developed a fear of or a superstition about discussing anything that’s not super positive.

That’s okay, except that most of us are triggered throughout the day and if we don’t admit we have an addiction to indulging the negativity, our overall vibrations don’t really get clean and clear enough to send out the positive/powerful manifesting mojo signals to attract our big fabulous lives the way we want them.

The Universe is not responding to how positive we WANT to be beneath our forced happy smiles, but rather it is responding to how we’re really feeling (meaning what biochemicals are really being squirted into our bloodstream).

Have you ever been around someone who was all smiles but you got a really uncomfortable feeling when you were around them, like deep down you felt they might be angry or sad or something?

I know I have because back when I was afraid of negativity, I was one of those people.

Conversely, have you ever been around someone who was admitting they were having a difficulty, or maybe even grieving, and you felt good being around them, like their authenticity was a good thing that was helping them and you to heal deeply? That’s because they were actually releasing negativity in that moment by being honest or letting go of sadness, etc.

See, a manic need to be positive is really fear dressed up as happiness. And most fear is negativity addiction. It’s somewhat of a paradox.

Our triggers are unique to us, and so are our vibe switches (what truly makes us feel better). So saying “Just be positive” as some generic vibe switch to help people feel better doesn’t convince our emotional biochemicals to be happy. It only convinces our brains that we WANT to be happy.

We WANT to be positive. We’re smiling, but we’re not “feeling it”. As a trained actor, I have had this happen several times. I’m speaking my characters lines, but I’m not feeling it. To “really get into character” means I have to convince my body’s emotional biochemicals to really feel it.

The paradox is that sometimes what actually makes a person feel better biochemically is to throw themselves a pity party and give themselves permission to cry. (That said, for another person, pity wouldn’t make them feel better. Your vibe switches are totally unique to you!)

Many in the Law of Attraction community might say, “NO. Never pity yourself. That’s a low vibration and might attract bad, yadda yadda, yadda”. But can’t you just feel the fear in that kind of statement? Which is really, yep, negativity addiction!

Maybe someone throwing themselves a pity part actually triggers a soothing feeling, which means happier biochemicals. For anyone else to tell them what vibe switch is going to make their biochemicals get all warm and fuzzy again is the other person telling them how to feel (Which is also negativity addiction).

For someone else, standing up for themselves in a certain situation where they’ve never stood up for themselves feels better biochemically, but their “Positive” New Age friend tells them, “Don’t focus on what you don’t want. Let them off the hook, etc.” but that doesn’t feel good to you biochemically, so what “appears” positive on the outside may be wreaking inner biochemical havoc and unconsciously indulging your negativity addiction!

At the end of the day, only you know what your triggers are and what will make you genuinely feel better. And one of the most healing things you can do for yourself is come out of the “negativity closet” and admit that you too have the addiction to dwelling on things that make you feel bad, worry, etc. and that as you become honest about the addiction, you can literally rewire and rebuild your brain, creating a TRUE joy addiction where happy chemicals are released automatically.

But remember, without admitting to a negativity addiction and working on remolding our brains, we don’t stand a chance of having a real genuine joy addiction, because the process of retraining/rewiring our brains is one where we admit we’re triggered into negativity and then vibe switch it in ways that feel good to us.

If we won’t even take the first step of admitting we’re caught in the negativity addiction or triggered, what chance to we have of rewiring the brain?

Trying to skip past the brain reconditioning part is like announcing that we’ve decided we’re going to be in perfect physical shape now, without exercise or eating right, because we’re afraid of sweat and salads.

You want a joy addiction? You want to be able to call yourself a Joy Addict? First admit you’re a negativity addict. Then, go look for those triggers to recondition your brain and  your biochemicals into joy. Be proud of your negativity addiction!! It’s the ticket to emotional freedom!

Because of how much awareness I have now of what triggers me and how to be happy in all situations, I can honestly say my negativity addiction is the best thing that ever happened to me! Admitting my addiction has made me genuinely (meaning biochemically) happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life!

Now I’m one of those people who smiles a heartfelt smile, cries real tears, and loves myself and others unconditionally, always vibe switching to what genuinely makes me feel better, not what appears “positive” to others, not even what is “spiritually correct”. But the good news is that the happier I get from selfishly focusing on what are my unique ways to feel better, the more loving I become to others, so it is a win/win.

Love and Happy Biochemicals,

Denise

So this morning I woke up tired, and gauged my chemicals at 95% negative (new thing I’m doing gauging chemicals on a percentage scale) and I quickly realized I had to pull the quick one/two punch I talk about in the ONA program: 1. Change physiology 2. Change mental focus.

So I got out my “only positive talk” fairy wand. Whenever I or anyone around me is holding the fairy wand, we MUST speak in positive, loving talk. It’s a great vibe switch and it’s so cute and funny. It’s a little fairy princess one.

So I got in my car, to go for a run. Put on the radio and they were having a James Brown marathon and I started making up ridiculous funny songs with my own lyrics to go with the James Brown music and because you can’t really understand what he is saying, you really can get your words heard clearly. So I made up a song called “Happy Brain” and I just did it all like I was James Brown and by the end I was laughing SO HARD and so was my husband. Then I spoke positively to my husband, (changing mental focus) about what I loved about him and our dogs, and then went for a run and talked to myself during that whole thing too.

On the way home from my run, (while I was driving, safe? I don’t know) I used my fairy wand to play the “I love you game” to cars, street signs, people, houses, etc.

By the time I got home just now I was so high I am BEAMING and glowing.

I tell you all of this to ask you one question.

What if I hadn’t committed to vibe switch right when I woke up?

I know. I would have had a cruddy day.

I changed the course of my day by changing the biochemicals coursing through my body!!! Now on my “chemical gauge” I am at 100% positive chemicals. I love being the Inner Chemist that I am.

I wish you all…..

HAPPY BRAIN!!!!

Get on the Happy Brain Thought Train!!!

Love and Happy Biochemicals,
Denise